Tuesday, May 23, 2017

HOPE IN GRIEF: When you start to see that the forest is not a mirage, you begin to see past the trees...

 & worship is part of my journey again...

Two blog posts ago, I shared about not being able to "see for forest for the trees."  Progress is a journey, so I bring hope in this post.  I may not see the forest, but I can see a wooded area.  The desert is a long hot, ugly hike, but the trees give shade and rest.  My brother knew a lot about hiking!  He was on a journey to hike the AT a chunk at a time.  He found his peace in the forest.  And now I can see that in this inexpressible loss, hope is no longer just a mirage, there is water...

Two years ago when I fell in love with the song Oceans, by Hillsong United, I knew I had been in deep waters  (Psalm 42:7) before and God had carried me. I knew I would soon be letting go of one to Honduras, and two nearing college. I knew I had a lot to learn. I felt confident that God had given this song to me at that time to point me back to the truth that He is always with me.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

But I did not know, nor do any of us know what tomorrow holds.  It's been a year since my brother went to Heaven.  I became angry about that song, Oceans.  What?  Not this deep Lord!  Honestly?  I still have a lot of anger and hurt.  Any of us could insert something here incredibly painful here.  

So many are involved in rescuing children and find themselves in need of rescue, so many battle disease, so many counsel the hurting...we all need HOPE.  This is not our home.

I'm re-learning that as in Philippians 2 says, Jesus humbled Himself as a man to die for what I did, so I could live like He LIVES - in victory!  Just think of the pain as God the Father looked away as Jesus took on our sin.  But HE KNEW...

"who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

I don't want this to be in vain.  I want hope, light, Jesus to win in my heart.  He has already won, and yet I am still stuck in the not yet.  I know I (we) will get there but not on our own.

"This is the word of the LORD...: 
'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty. Zechariah 4:6

Your Word, Hillsong Worship

Psalm 119 - All of it! The Power of the Word of God
Psalm 42:7 Deep waters

As It is ( In Heaven), Hillsong Worship

Matthew 6:9-13,  The Lord's Prayer

Empires, Hillsong United

"What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived" -- the things God has prepared for those who love him--"1 Corinthians 2:9

Isaiah 40 - All of it.  He will watch over us and give us strength.

Captain, Hillsong United

John 1:5 "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."

Captain, Jesus, I ask You today, to help us walk into the unknown trusting, all things are possible in You.  Someday I WILL BE A VOICE OF HOPE  to the grievers of suicide and loss.  But for now, I am learning by experience that YOU HOLD ME (US) in it all.  So I leave the keyboard today, knowing of so much pain in all our lives, and also so much joy.  Let us look to the Son!  Let us look for the joy, and let us ask God to let us see Him.

Look To The Son, Hillsong Worship

Passion - Worthy of Your Name

The journey continues, lets do this together.  I still mostly see trees, but just like Jesus healed the blind man in stages, I know I am seeing more, living more each day.  Let me give Hope!  God's Word and worship music move my heart and so I'm sharing where I am living now.

In honor of our brother, Joel, ( a son, a father, an uncle, a nephew, a husband, and friend to all ) and the many Officers who suffer from PTSD and live to sacrifice and serve and protect us,

"I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done." Psalm 118:17

There's more to your story...

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