Beauty from Ashes - A Continual Process

Why do I envy that old photo of me 27 years ago with long flowing hair and a waistline?  That girl was so afraid, so sick, so sad, so confused about her identity, so insecure.  She longed  for a million hurts of others to be gone. She longed for a strong connection with God.  She was not lost, but she felt very lost.  She couldn't comprehend that she was always in the palm of God's hand.   Acts 17:26 "God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us .  28 ‘For in him we live and move and have our being."   He was there with me.   So why let an old pic create a longing for what once was?  Or often a "do-over!" Each season of my life was teaching me to trust, to love, to ask for and receive.  Receive healing physically, emotionally and spiritually.  We all need that.  And from those places, those seasons, gro...

Anxiety/Depression Disorder, yes, I have it, and I have something to say. Even with this diagnosis, I always seek to share HOPE & LIGHT, because God can redeem every story. I shared my story 2 years ago, and am compelled to share it again for anyone who is battling and looking for hope. I sometimes revisit my notes on healing because it is a continual process. A couple years ago I was asked to share my story of God meeting me in my darkest hour, at a ladies retreat. After that I felt it was time to share it in written form. When shared the first blog post, I was in a really good place.  But since then I had a season where I slipped back into fighting my own way. At one point my anxiety meds were at the upper limit and I was taking more and running out. I needed counsel and accountability. My way alone had short term relief and long term misery.  I still try to fight my own way, I'll not be done learning and growing until Heaven. I've had it all. I realize...

Steps.  3 Steps.  It's not that easy, but it's a start!  I have met so many people battling anxiety because I have be straight up about my struggles with anxiety.  Instead of a long post, I really feel lead to share these 3 little steps that add up to HOPE. I could write forever on stories of my anxiety.  You don't need that.  If you struggle, you do need to know that I get it.  Sometimes there are negative reasons that trigger my anxiety, sometimes there are positive triggers!  What?!  How can I be nauseous now!?  It happens!  And sometimes, there is no reason at all!  I get so mad when nausea and fatigue from anxiety barge into my moments!  That is why I want to share with you some things I've learned. But I have a starting point for you if you don't know where to begin.  3 points to be exact.  So here are some encouraging tools.   Each one could be a book of it's own, but those of us that struggle...

As I was out running this morning, I was so aware of God really tuning my heart this Advent season.  This will not be an organization of thoughts, but a download of disorganization and how that is OK. I'm more aware this year than ever, that Christmas in all it's beauty is also pain.  We rejoice in the precious baby, God incarnate being born.  We set out lights, candles, cards, cookies, gifts, traditions rich and meaningful to our families and friends.   But they are meaningless if they don't point to the Cross . One year we were given a nail ornament, to represent the nails that went into Jesus.  I always hid that ornament in the bottom of the box because I couldn't reconcile putting in on our celebration tree.  I didn't want anything dark to mark our celebration.   But without the darkness, we never see light. "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."  John 1:5 I'm not saying we should mourn every mom...

This picture is blurry on purpose.  The tree is so beautiful when up close.  But from outside, the view is still beautiful, but unclear and distant.  Life can be that way.  Running in the dark at night, I am hearing God more clearly.  Sometimes the dark times are the times we hear Him the most.  Everything else fades...He is there, always there. Her companions were named Suffering and Sorrow.  Her name was Much Afraid.  She lived in the Valley of Humiliation and she longed to go to the High Places where "perfect love casts out fear." I'm talking about the little girl in the allegory, Hines Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard.  I've mentioned this book several times over the years.  I haven't read it in a few years, but I have a friend who shares the love of this book.  She is re-reading it now and I decided to as well, to journey it again with her. Our God is so good.  I can not say it enough.  I thought the tim...

​ Edges terrify me. Not heights so much as the lack of a fence or railing.  Well, there are emotional edges too.  We've all experienced them, not a comfortable place.  Just like the edge of a roof, an emotional edge sends me in the direction of safety.  Specifically, I run to Jesus.  Yes, I'm the one who writes about fear.  The one who says there's hope! We can overcome!  I'm the one who writes to encourage those who battle fear because I've been there, and I've literally felt the hand of God deliver me.   God is a personal God, and I've quoted  Psalm 34 many times.  It says, "Taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him." And yet, if you check my pulse, sometimes it's off the chart!  I know it's wrong, I know when I'm letting tomorrow rob me of today.  I also know I'm not going to stay there.  But, just so you know, it blind sides me! "We're not ready...