Beauty from Ashes - A Continual Process

Things often seem dark in January through March - The middle!  The fall crisp colors are gone, and there is typically no pretty snow here in Kentucky.  Spring feels so far away!  Honestly I'm not a fan!  It can make all that's already hard seem even more so.   If you're fighting your way through I'm just sayin', yeah me too.  We all have stories, and we all know people with hard stories, and we all know the news.  But I won't stop there, not today. Yeah. Life. Hurts. But! Recently,  my spirit has been reminded in the most gentle ways, that God, the Creator of the Universe humbled himself as a man ( Philippians 2).  He suffered to the point of death, so that even in our suffering, we can have LIFE!  So He too says, yeah me too!  "He sees, He knows, He is making a way." He did this so you and I would know there will be an end to suffering. Jesus is the reason we can fight FROM VICTORY not FOR VICTORY!  Easter...

The loss of my brother will always take my breath away - that's true for all who miss Joel.  As my heart constricts and my breath leaves, and I feel the deep ache in my chest and throat - even then,  I feel God again.  People said I would, but the despair made it impossible to imagine.  I also know that every day, season, event will bring new filters... I'm sure that in life, we will always be aware of someone suffering.  The ones who can get closest to our heart are those who have suffered in the same way.  In time our inward suffering calls us to outward action. A lot is going on in the world.  Where can God use your pain?  If not yet, some day He will, if you offer it up to Him.  Take your time...I'm taking mine.  But when you're His child, He is close, whether you sense it or not.  God. Is. My. Anchor. I have hope and a taste of His presence again.  Psalm 34 says, "Taste and see that the Lord is g...

 & worship is part of my journey again... Two blog posts ago, I shared about not being able to "see for forest for the trees."  Progress is a journey, so I bring hope in this post.  I may not see the forest, but I can see a wooded area.  The desert is a long hot, ugly hike, but the trees give shade and rest.  My brother knew a lot about hiking!  He was on a journey to hike the AT a chunk at a time.  He found his peace in the forest.  And now I can see that in this inexpressible loss, hope is no longer just a mirage, there is water... Two years ago when I fell in love with the song Oceans, by Hillsong United, I knew I had been in deep waters  (Psalm 42:7) before and God had carried me. I knew I would soon be letting go of one to Honduras, and two nearing college. I knew I had a lot to learn. I felt confident that God had given this song to me at that time to point me back to the truth that He is always with me. Be strong and ...

So I said in my last post that "I can't see the trees." It's true.  And you can't just snap your fingers and be teleported to the other side of grief.  I've only written a few times this year, but when I write, I don't hold back.  In my case, grief is about my brother taking his life at age of 47, and losing a dear friend to cancer a few months later.  Its true what's been said, you can't go around it, you must go through it.   But I have a Great Shepherd leading me through the desert.  This is not about pulling yourself of by your own boot straps, or faking joy, or mustering up the "right" feelings.  It's about truth transcending our feelings, and being OK with both, truth and feelings.  It's about being real. There is a movement in suicide awareness called Project Semicolon.  It is to signify to suicide survivors and those who are pressing on with mental illness to keep going.  Do not put a period on your story, ther...

Sometimes we really can't see the forest for the trees.  Still devastated one year later.  If you are devastated, there is not a time table, no judgement.  I hesitate to write much these days.  It is a time to be quiet.  But I am writing for those who think they should be further along in grieving their loss.  May you be encouraged. My brother took his life just over a year ago.  I am just barely beginning to process the loss of this precious man and all he meant to me and to so many.  It has taken me a year just to face the tragedy of the loss.  So many stages in grieving.  This is not a self-indulgent post, but one of benefiting from other people sharing. I want to urge you (us) to press on.  Keep seeking God.  That's where I am,  because I have hope and truth.  John 17:17 says,  "Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth."  I believe this to be true, and so I will stick closely t...