Beauty from Ashes - A Continual Process

My hands hurt, really hurt.  Just being honest here. "Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26 I was telling my sis how frustrating it is that I know truth and yet the anxiety swirling within betrays me when my hands begin to ache.  They ache today, why?  Fibromyalgia makes me mad, until I surrender to God.  My body tells on me.  But sometimes that is what I need!  The pains are not predictable, and often random.  But I also know things that contribute to my pain, anxiety is one!  Sometimes my anxiety is fear driven, and sometimes it is excitement driven.  I had a mix the last couple of weeks. It just is what it is.  Humbling. Today my sis reminded me of truth about me, when she said, "I know there's so much for our brains to get anxious about...it's crazy how our brains and our spi...

As I was out running this morning, I was so aware of God really tuning my heart this Advent season.  This will not be an organization of thoughts, but a download of disorganization and how that is OK. I'm more aware this year than ever, that Christmas in all it's beauty is also pain.  We rejoice in the precious baby, God incarnate being born.  We set out lights, candles, cards, cookies, gifts, traditions rich and meaningful to our families and friends.   But they are meaningless if they don't point to the Cross . One year we were given a nail ornament, to represent the nails that went into Jesus.  I always hid that ornament in the bottom of the box because I couldn't reconcile putting in on our celebration tree.  I didn't want anything dark to mark our celebration.   But without the darkness, we never see light. "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."  John 1:5 I'm not saying we should mourn every mom...

This picture is blurry on purpose.  The tree is so beautiful when up close.  But from outside, the view is still beautiful, but unclear and distant.  Life can be that way.  Running in the dark at night, I am hearing God more clearly.  Sometimes the dark times are the times we hear Him the most.  Everything else fades...He is there, always there. Her companions were named Suffering and Sorrow.  Her name was Much Afraid.  She lived in the Valley of Humiliation and she longed to go to the High Places where "perfect love casts out fear." I'm talking about the little girl in the allegory, Hines Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard.  I've mentioned this book several times over the years.  I haven't read it in a few years, but I have a friend who shares the love of this book.  She is re-reading it now and I decided to as well, to journey it again with her. Our God is so good.  I can not say it enough.  I thought the tim...

I was murmuring to myself about the dark.  I was thinking about how I had to race home to run before dark, and now that's not even possible!  I ordered a reflective vest so oncoming cars could see me.  Tonight was the night.  The darkest run I've had so far, and my reflective vest came just in time - today!  That took the edge off of my murmuring mood and off I went. Now before you think I'm bragging about running, let me just say this.  I. Move. My. Feet.  And, I do this activity 3 times a week at best.  It's not that I am athletic!  Ironically, it actually helps my fibromyalgia pain.  Even when I feel yucky, I know that if I let too many days go by without a run, I will feel even worse.  So there are tons of lessons I learn from this moving of my feet, but tonight it's about the night . I noticed that I really enjoyed the run, and I think it is for a non-athletic reason!  I couldn't see how far I had to go!  All I...

​ Edges terrify me. Not heights so much as the lack of a fence or railing.  Well, there are emotional edges too.  We've all experienced them, not a comfortable place.  Just like the edge of a roof, an emotional edge sends me in the direction of safety.  Specifically, I run to Jesus.  Yes, I'm the one who writes about fear.  The one who says there's hope! We can overcome!  I'm the one who writes to encourage those who battle fear because I've been there, and I've literally felt the hand of God deliver me.   God is a personal God, and I've quoted  Psalm 34 many times.  It says, "Taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him." And yet, if you check my pulse, sometimes it's off the chart!  I know it's wrong, I know when I'm letting tomorrow rob me of today.  I also know I'm not going to stay there.  But, just so you know, it blind sides me! "We're not ready...

Beauty from Ashes - A Continual Process: Afraid to love. I understand. : A friend​ posted a quote by Irvin D. Yalom and for feedback from fellow fb friends. I responded saying simply -  "rejection hurts.&...

A friend​ posted a quote by Irvin D. Yalom and for feedback from fellow fb friends. I responded saying simply -  "rejection hurts." Later she asked me if​ I would elaborate on my comment.  I did.  I've prayerfully decided to share my heart on this most vulnerable topic. Irvin D. Yalom who wrote, “There was a time in our lives when we were so close that nothing seemed to obstruct our friendship and brotherhood, and only a small footbridge separated us. Just as you were about to step on it, I asked you "Do you want to cross the footbridge to me?" - Immediately you did not want to anymore; and when I asked you again you remained silent. Since then mountains and torrential rivers and whatever separates and alienates have been cast between us, and even if we wanted to get together, we couldn't. But when you now think of that little footbridge, words fail you and you sob and marvel.” ​ Childhood wounds, and a great need for the Father’s Healing and redemption ...

I am just now, at 49 learning to press "pause" on my need to download and bring closure on a subject AS IT HAPPENS!  It hasn't been easy.  My "get it over with" plan is selfish and unwise, when it comes to processing life with those I love.  Waiting for that "window?" Not so easy!  I tend to be all silent, or all talk.  There is wisdom in learning to bring balance, slowness,  gentleness, and timing of delivery to every situation.  I need to discern where my "listener" is first with their thoughts, heart, needs...not my own.  Knowing my own, will help me with this - ironically!!  You'll see where I'm going with this. Proverbs 16:20-24 is on my refrigerator as a constant reminder to God-center my heart before I download.  It is a great filter to meditate on before speaking.  It says,  "Whoever gives thought to the word will discover good, and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord. 21 The wise of heart is call...

(If you are receiving this in your email, click on the title to go to the blog site where the other posts are filed by date and or topic.) Blogging has somehow killed my writing vibe.  I am asking God if it's time to stop.  I know He asked me to openly and honestly share my story of anxiety, depression, and living with Jesus daily to overcome living in fear.  To share His story in my life.   God delivered me from major anxiety and depression through meditation on His Word, through prayer partners, through doctors...it's all in my first post titled, The God Who Heals! Everything else is daily examples of how God continues to work it out in my life.  This process is not a one time deal.  Oh yes, the mountain has been moved, but if I don't linger in His Word, pray slowly, and love fearlessly, I fight the same battles.  The battles are just smaller, shorter.   They are more like scars from wounds.  A scar may break open and hurt a lot befo...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Au3otElq6D4 I am They, King of Love The King of Love my Shepherd is Whose goodness faileth never I nothing lack if I am His  And He is mine forever And He is mine forever Where streams of living water flow My ransomed soul He leadeth And where the verdant pastures grow With food celestial feedeth Never failing, Ruler of my heart Everlasting, Lover of my soul On the mountain high or in the valley low The King of Love my Shepherd is The King of Love my Shepherd is Lost and foolish off I strayed But yet in love He sought me And on His shoulder gently laid And home rejoicing brought me In death’s dark veil I fear no ill With Thee, dear Lord, beside me Thy rod and staff my comfort still Thy cross before to guide me Never failing, Ruler of my heart Everlasting, Lover of my soul On the mountain high or in the valley low The King of Love my Shepherd is The King of Love my Shepherd is ...

"Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants." "Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown." Matthew 13:7-8 This morning I went out to feel nature on my skin, the soft warm air and breeze.  As I glanced around to see if my flowers needed watering, I saw this weed/crabgrass!  If flourishes better than my flowers even in dry spells!  The first picture shows how the roots go down deep.  Well, I immediately pulled it up!  You know it's easier to pull up weeds when the soil is damp from rain?  Where am I going with this? Here is the soil after I pulled the weeds.  The weed came right up and the soil crumbled all around.  So it reminded me of some truths.  When we go through some tough stormy seasons, our hearts are like that damp soil.  They are ready for the weeds to be pulled!  Usually I have to use my entire body to pull on...