Beauty from Ashes - A Continual Process

Why do I envy that old photo of me 27 years ago with long flowing hair and a waistline?  That girl was so afraid, so sick, so sad, so confused about her identity, so insecure.  She longed  for a million hurts of others to be gone. She longed for a strong connection with God.  She was not lost, but she felt very lost.  She couldn't comprehend that she was always in the palm of God's hand.   Acts 17:26 "God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us .  28 ‘For in him we live and move and have our being."   He was there with me.   So why let an old pic create a longing for what once was?  Or often a "do-over!" Each season of my life was teaching me to trust, to love, to ask for and receive.  Receive healing physically, emotionally and spiritually.  We all need that.  And from those places, those seasons, gro...

Miles in the bag? Yeah, that's good!  But it does not define me!  Measurements!  They can be so conflicting!  It is good to have goals, to move forward, to make progress, but to what end?  If you are like me, the bag that holds your miles has a big hole in it!  There's never enough!  By the grace of God, I've been on a life long journey learning that running with a hole in your bag can be a good thing!   Now I picture a wind sock instead of a bag.  Let those miles fall out the bottom!  Try that one on!   A banner trailing me that is empty .  My hope is that the empty banner  I carry is filled with the full wind of God!   If you struggle with measurements you can find peace here today. God actually discourages comparison by measurement when done for the wrong reasons. Paul had heard that people were talking about they way he did ministry and comparing him to others.  He explains the importa...

We all have seasons that take us to our knees in prayer.  But oh, to be steady there forever on my knees.  That is my prayer , and that is why I share.  Because I can never find peace on my own, with all my fixes and doubts.  "I’ve stood tall and I have crumbled in the same breath" are lyrics that jumped out at me yesterday from the song As You Find Me , by Hillsong United. It's by God's grace that I can look back and see the lengthening of seasons of peace as the seasons of despair shorten.  There is grace for that.  But there are things that come along that break my soul in pieces, and it is there that grace waits to catch me.  It's there for you too. Until our journey on earth takes us to Heaven, we will face mountains that seem to separate us from the love of our Heavenly Father.   But the truth is that He has the purest love a Father can have.  His love is strengthening His children during the hardest of times because  He...

My hands hurt, really hurt.  Just being honest here. "Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26 I was telling my sis how frustrating it is that I know truth and yet the anxiety swirling within betrays me when my hands begin to ache.  They ache today, why?  Fibromyalgia makes me mad, until I surrender to God.  My body tells on me.  But sometimes that is what I need!  The pains are not predictable, and often random.  But I also know things that contribute to my pain, anxiety is one!  Sometimes my anxiety is fear driven, and sometimes it is excitement driven.  I had a mix the last couple of weeks. It just is what it is.  Humbling. Today my sis reminded me of truth about me, when she said, "I know there's so much for our brains to get anxious about...it's crazy how our brains and our spi...

I have to add a p.s. to my last post.  I wrote in a moment's time the weight of 49 years of battling anxiety.  It was not over the fact that our son might not get to play basketball.  It was about knowing that this is a painful season in his life, and at the same time knowing that God will use it.  It was about my flesh battling fear of how it will affect him, and my spirit knowing that God is with him. In retrospect maybe I should not have posted it.  In light of what is going on in the world it is shallow.  In fact, in light of what my close friends are battling, cancer, it is shallow.  So I am following up.  I can by humiliated by what anxiety can do to me, or humbled by it.  In humility I write posts that are vulnerable and true.  I now want to add to my last post.  Because God says, "I dwell in the high and lofty places with those who are humble and contrite."  Isaiah 57:15.  I am contrite over what fear can do t...