Shifting my gaze - in a season of grief
Illumination and light are words that I am attracted to in the Bible...John 1:5 "The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it." But to those who are grieving, you are not alone, and I do not offer simple answers. There are none. I am just walking with you. Lets press on.
In my study group this week we have been encouraged to choose a verse from the Sermon on the Mount to meditate on and memorize.
I chose Matthew 6:22-23. "The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, 23 but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!"
The context of this verse is more about "seeing" things (STUFF) you desire in order to make you happy. But I immediately interpreted it as "seeing" THOUGHTS, WORDS. Thinking about Jesus and His Word to illuminate my mind, and to replace dark thoughts. I attached this verse to depression. When you look at it through that lens it rings true as well. Working it out.
Jesus is Light // Jesus is the Word // There is Power in the Word
John 8:12 says, "Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 1:1 says "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." and Hebrews 4:12 says, "For the word of God is alive and active..."
In the past I have loved sharing the love and light of God with others through His Word. In fact I started this blog believing God wanted me to share the ashes of my life because I know that in the end, He will make these ashes beautiful.
It has been a desert season and I am thankful for those of you who have poured into me. I have been encouraged to work through the grief of losing my brother tragically this year, and my friend to cancer, by pouring God's Word into my spirit and sending up praises to God. Sometimes I'm numb, sad, mad and don't want to look for the light. But God has placed special people in my life to point me to His Word whether its a good day or a bad day. Thank you.
So as I turn the page of my 50th year, I will always know it is a year of loss. It will always be marked with pain. In fact just typing these words creates a visceral ache in my chest. But it will also be marked by those who've encouraged me to fall forward into God's grace and healing. It will be marked by those who have pointed me to God's Word, to God. And even in that, it's OK to not be OK in the process.
I hope that most of all this year will be a year
Marked. By. The. Cross.
What does that mean? John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." A perfect Holy Jesus took on my sin in exchange for eternal life and relationship with God in heaven. I want to live marked by the now, but impacted for all eternity, and to share this impact for the glory of God - in sadness or in joy. It is all the "now and the not yet."
Letting people help without me feeling the need to present a "happy Julie" has been a learning experience this year. In the past I could fake it, but this year I just could not do it. It has been humbling and yet, has been a gift actually. And the ironic thing is that by letting go and being "just Julie," I am feeling the freedom of God's love. It's not about me, its unconditional love from God, and its about God. God is the lover of my soul.
So I'll leave you with my chapter for this week, Psalm 19:
1 The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
2 Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they reveal knowledge.
3 They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.
4 Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun.
5 It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
6 It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is deprived of its warmth.
7 The law of the Lord is perfect,
refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
8 The precepts of the Lord are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
9 The fear of the Lord is pure,
enduring forever.
The decrees of the Lord are firm,
and all of them are righteous.
10 They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the honeycomb.
11 By them your servant is warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.
12 But who can discern their own errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.
13 Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then I will be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.
14 May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Like Incense/Sometimes By Step, Hillsong
I Need You, I Love You, I Want You, Tenth Avenue North
Comments
Post a Comment