Sweet Victory

I recently posted a new profile pic that is pretty ridiculous, but I wanted to show some enthusiasm for the Cleveland Cavaliers LOL!  I told my friend I always wanted a pic of me jumping but that I couldn't jump.  She said lets go outside and goof off, and the first time I jumped she got that silly picture!  Thanks Casey!  I put a Cavs frame on it and made it my profile pic.

But before I added the Cavs frame to it my sweet friend Pammy commented, "They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away." That's from Isaiah 51:11 That is the truth! Thank you Pammy for calling the truth out of that pic! Because honestly, I have not goofed around much until recently. That is the story God has been writing on my heart for a long time. Everlasting joy will come, "sorrow and sighing will flee away."

I was out running today and it felt so good!  I've waited a long time for a run like that.  I think a lot of life is like running, many OK days, bad days, and awesome days.  But no matter how the run goes, it is the time when I listen and talk to God the most.  It's OUR TIME.  I have felt some sweet victory lately, not all rose colored glasses, just gentle unexpected joy.  HE and I were processing that today.

In short, my story is one of battling non-terminal chronic health conditions, along with the normal pains of growing up in this world.  I am not ashamed to include I have an anxiety disorder and have had depression, and God has given much grace in all of this.  I hope being honest about these things will make it easier for you to talk about it if you need help.  Anyway, many times I despaired, but never so much as in the past 2 years.  If you've read my blog, you know I lost my brother to suicide March 17, 2016.  And the story is not all about me, every person he loved was thrown into one form or another of PTSD. Is there ever joy after such a thing?  Maybe not the kind of joy I want but-

Psalm 34 says, to "taste and see that the Lord is Good, blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him."  So I write out Scripture most days just to keep "tasting" truth, whether I feel it or not.  In my low points I see I have nothing to offer, only this - its in my weakness that God is strong.  2 Corinthians 12:9 God has carried me, and He shows up the most when I acknowledge my weakness to Him!  Many years ago God taught me that I had to stop feeling like I had to help everyone be OK.  I had to learn to put my trust in Him.  The gospel that Jesus, the perfect God/man, came to die in my place.  Me a sinner, God the Creator. Wow.  Only THIS GOD can help us be OK.  It's not up to me!

But this time, I struggled with the truth I still believed.  How could I still declare the gospel truth when all I wanted to do was die too?  I felt dead for so long.  It was the grace of God that kept me clinging, praying and writing Scripture through the dark nights (that can linger still).  I would cry out, "God I believe, help my unbelief." from Mark 9:24, and I would declare that God is good over and over.

But I could not talk myself out of feeling the pain or the despair, I had to trust and hope in the God who took on all our pain would come through.  He will one day come for good and we will live forever with HIM.  We will have our families back, and we will be with Jesus who made it all possible!  Now there is some REAL HOPE!  It's true that only God can hold "this much pain..."  I'm sure you can fill in the blank!  He did when Adam 1st betrayed/sinned against Him, and again when He walked on this earth over 2000 years ago.  He felt our pain and died for all of it.  God is love and God is good.  He knew that justice had to happen to sin, and He made justice over sin, His Holy wrath, and put it on His son Jesus.  Traded His perfection for our total imperfection.  And just for the record, in my despair I actually did some apologetics reading!  I know that history truly tells of Jesus the Christ but I wanted to check it out again!  That's OK!! Doubt has driven me to God even more, otherwise I would not be writing this. (Check out The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel).

It's all faith, not our ability to fix things or be perfect.  As I grow,  every day I press into God and put things in His hands.  I call it the God Box.  Because Ephesians 2:8-9 says, "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast." There's a real gift!  And there is real HOPE!  Our story may hurt until our dying days, but if we believe in this truth, we have much to live for, far beyond our years on earth!

"If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved." Romans 10:9-10

There is healing that God brings to our bodies and hearts here on earth, but sometimes not until Heaven.  I find peace in the fact that we are on an eternal journey.  I found the lyrics to this song by Trip Lee very meaningful to me this year.  Interestingly enough, the song is called Sweet Victory!  He wrote it about his long term illness and suffering and how God was meeting him in the mess.  The link and the lyrics are below.  I hope you find encouragement in God's love and eternal promises today.  There is so much more beyond our pain, take your time...  Our story is not over

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I have not been writing much because I believe I should only write when it comes over me strong!  I think my love for writing is returning and there is so much more God wants us to share with each other!  I want my sharing to be about God's story.

(If you want to subscribe to this blog just type your email in the box to the right.  I have 88 posts, keep the best and leave the rest!)

This music may not be your style, but the lyrics are awesome!  And I love Trip Lee music!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foR_TLvzXqI

I feel thorns where my crown was
(I be weak but I'm alive)
From the dusk until dawn yeah
(I'll survive 'cause I got) sweet victory
Nobody can take it from me sweet victory
'Cause I got (sweet victory) yeah
You see me limpin'
I know you see me limpin'
You can't tell on these CD's but bro I'm knee deep in it
I'm waiting in my weakness he may be deep in it
I be lyin' through my teeth to say I don't resent it
Even as I right these lines I'm close to tears
Body ain't be workin' right for 7 years
So miss me with that keep your chin up try to smile
Bro I'm 26 I should feel better by a mile
Keep all your anecdotes and cute quotes
I'll pass some clichés for true hopes it too dope
I feel thorns where my crown was
(I be weak but I'm alive)
From the dusk until dawn yeah
(I'll survive 'cause I got) sweet victory
Nobody can take it from me sweet victory
'Cause I got (sweet victory) yeah
Toast to the King
Cheers to the ceiling
Feeling good we gon' make it to the finish (sweet victory)
You hear me
Holla if you feel me
Yeah we still runnin' even though we limpin' (sweet victory)
'Cause we winnin', yeah we know we winnin'
Even though we're winnin' we're still in it (sweet victory)
'Cause we winnin', yeah we know we winnin'
Now we livin' (sweet victory)
They see me on the stage
They like that boy the man
They hear play on them songs
They clappin' in them stands
They like "I bet you got a lot of good stuff from other bands"
So when I say it's been a few hard years they think I'm playin'
But you don't know my life boy
You don't know my life boy
You don't know what it's been like on my wife
Don't know my fight boy
Being in the trenches steady tryna' fight my foes
And when I couldn't fight no more it brought me low, low
It brought me low I know can't bet it low
I feel thorns where my crown was
(I be weak but I'm alive)
From the dusk until dawn yeah
(I'll survive 'cause I got) sweet victory
Nobody can take it from me sweet victory
'Cause I got (sweet victory) yeah
Toast to the King
Cheers to the ceiling
Feeling good we gon' make it to the finish (sweet victory)
You hear me
Holla if you feel me
Yeah we still runnin' even though we limpin' (sweet victory)
'Cause we winnin', yeah we know we winnin'
Even though we're winnin' we're still in it (sweet victory)
'Cause we winnin', yeah we know we winnin'
Now we livin' (sweet victory)
They like I here you talkin' wins but I see your losses
You celebratin' crowns but I see your crosses
That's the paradox that don't fit in your Mary box
You might not understand if you walk in this pair of socks
The Victor ain't the one that's winnin' seventh inning
Trophies don't go to the ones that got a good beginning
When I say I win I don't mean the state I'm in
I mean that day when the grace got fade out then
I'm winning 'cause I ran with Him
The crown of thorn
Declares your King
A scarlet robe can't cloak Your majesty
They nailed Your hands
You mailed our death
From the cross You reigned
Your Kingdom knows no end
Oh, Jesus
You won it all
Oh, Jesus
Victorious
Oh, Jesus
You won it all
Oh, Jesus
Victorious
Oh, Jesus