Beauty from Ashes - A Continual Process

You know, when you go through stuff yourself it stinks, until later when you look back and you see God was holding you all the time. You begin to see how he was weaving a story in your life that would eventually be an encouragement to others. You end up loving those opportunities like no other, because what could be more joyful then bringing hope to someone especially when you know what that kind of despair feels like. It's a completely different thing when it's your kids. You know the truth, you know that God loves them more than you ever could, and you know that walking these ropes is strengthening them for an amazing call on their lives.   Well, I have no excuse. But I'll be honest, it can make me feel angry. I never felt angry with my own struggles, ever!  But the "mama bear" thing comes out in you when it's your babies, even if they are grown.  And as much as I know God is holding them, in my flesh I absolutely hate it, and it absolutely make...

Anxiety/Depression Disorder, yes, I have it, and I have something to say. Even with this diagnosis, I always seek to share HOPE & LIGHT, because God can redeem every story. I shared my story 2 years ago, and am compelled to share it again for anyone who is battling and looking for hope. I sometimes revisit my notes on healing because it is a continual process. A couple years ago I was asked to share my story of God meeting me in my darkest hour, at a ladies retreat. After that I felt it was time to share it in written form. When shared the first blog post, I was in a really good place.  But since then I had a season where I slipped back into fighting my own way. At one point my anxiety meds were at the upper limit and I was taking more and running out. I needed counsel and accountability. My way alone had short term relief and long term misery.  I still try to fight my own way, I'll not be done learning and growing until Heaven. I've had it all. I realize...

Steps.  3 Steps.  It's not that easy, but it's a start!  I have met so many people battling anxiety because I have be straight up about my struggles with anxiety.  Instead of a long post, I really feel lead to share these 3 little steps that add up to HOPE. I could write forever on stories of my anxiety.  You don't need that.  If you struggle, you do need to know that I get it.  Sometimes there are negative reasons that trigger my anxiety, sometimes there are positive triggers!  What?!  How can I be nauseous now!?  It happens!  And sometimes, there is no reason at all!  I get so mad when nausea and fatigue from anxiety barge into my moments!  That is why I want to share with you some things I've learned. But I have a starting point for you if you don't know where to begin.  3 points to be exact.  So here are some encouraging tools.   Each one could be a book of it's own, but those of us that struggle...

Thank you friend for Psalm 119:114 today, "You’re my place of quiet retreat; I wait for your Word to renew me."  You have been the hands and feet of Jesus to me this week.  Don't take it lightly, continue, you have a gift of ministry and a world of people ready to receive hope.  You are a light my dear friend.  You don't often see it that way, but God wants you to know.  Because of your encouragement I am moved to write today.  So I will share my heart. I am astounded at how many have read my post titled "Reach Out and Touch the World," and the reads just keep climbing!  I think it is easy to forget the the WORLD is right next to us.  The WORLD is your child, your friend, your co-worker, your neighbor, the person in line at Walmart, the waitress/waiter at your next meal out, the person at church you've never met... It doesn't have to be about going far away.  Sometimes the people closest to you need to be touched the most. ...

My hands hurt, really hurt.  Just being honest here. "Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26 I was telling my sis how frustrating it is that I know truth and yet the anxiety swirling within betrays me when my hands begin to ache.  They ache today, why?  Fibromyalgia makes me mad, until I surrender to God.  My body tells on me.  But sometimes that is what I need!  The pains are not predictable, and often random.  But I also know things that contribute to my pain, anxiety is one!  Sometimes my anxiety is fear driven, and sometimes it is excitement driven.  I had a mix the last couple of weeks. It just is what it is.  Humbling. Today my sis reminded me of truth about me, when she said, "I know there's so much for our brains to get anxious about...it's crazy how our brains and our spi...

As I was out running this morning, I was so aware of God really tuning my heart this Advent season.  This will not be an organization of thoughts, but a download of disorganization and how that is OK. I'm more aware this year than ever, that Christmas in all it's beauty is also pain.  We rejoice in the precious baby, God incarnate being born.  We set out lights, candles, cards, cookies, gifts, traditions rich and meaningful to our families and friends.   But they are meaningless if they don't point to the Cross . One year we were given a nail ornament, to represent the nails that went into Jesus.  I always hid that ornament in the bottom of the box because I couldn't reconcile putting in on our celebration tree.  I didn't want anything dark to mark our celebration.   But without the darkness, we never see light. "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."  John 1:5 I'm not saying we should mourn every mom...

This picture is blurry on purpose.  The tree is so beautiful when up close.  But from outside, the view is still beautiful, but unclear and distant.  Life can be that way.  Running in the dark at night, I am hearing God more clearly.  Sometimes the dark times are the times we hear Him the most.  Everything else fades...He is there, always there. Her companions were named Suffering and Sorrow.  Her name was Much Afraid.  She lived in the Valley of Humiliation and she longed to go to the High Places where "perfect love casts out fear." I'm talking about the little girl in the allegory, Hines Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard.  I've mentioned this book several times over the years.  I haven't read it in a few years, but I have a friend who shares the love of this book.  She is re-reading it now and I decided to as well, to journey it again with her. Our God is so good.  I can not say it enough.  I thought the tim...