The "Perfect Storm" Can Actually Be "Perfect!"
I fell in
love with the Hillsong song Oceans a
year ago. I knew it would be a
year of great change, and I knew every time I sang along I had to mean what I said as I sang “your
grace abounds in deepest waters, your sovereign hand will be my guide…so I will
call upon your name…my soul will rest in your embrace for I am yours and you
are mine…Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders…take me deeper than
my feet could ever wander, and my faith would be made stronger in the presence
of my Savior.” I sang it
with great anticipation, a desire to grow in faith, and I knew that it would
cost me something.
The things that I thought would be big were met with abundant grace. Seeing our firstborn off to college, letting her go to Honduras a third and fourth time, and going to Honduras to embrace her calling, all met with a supernatural peace. It was not easy, but there was peace. Watching our son tear his ACL, and walking alongside him through the pain, surgery, and rehabilitation were tricky because I did not see that coming! There are unforeseen storms! That one felt a bit choppy!
But now, this place? The place I sit it today? This little storm about me? Honestly, how do I move on from here? How do I continue to share God’s love when I am in the midst of a lesson on His love right now? Do I wait until the gift of this trial is all wrapped up in pretty paper with a bow on top? I’m beginning to realize that if I am waiting for that, then all my sharing is worthless, because I will always be waiting for the "bow" until Jesus returns or takes me home.
How do you sift through all the voices you hear everyday and still hear God? How do I hear God? How do I sift through my sin, my busy schedule, my fatigue, and yet find freedom to encourage others? I’ve known the answer for a long time. It’s the cross. That is a very short answer for something that changes our eternity! How does it apply? How do I hold “who I am in Christ” and “who I am on a tough day, month, season” at the same time? Galatians 2:20-21 says that it is Christ in us that makes it possible,
“ I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 21 I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose”
The story of God healing me is the good news! It is in the first post of this blog. But the story of God healing me is a continuous story until I finally reach heaven. It’s not over! The wrapping paper might be picked out, and a piece or two of scotch tape have begun to seal the package, but there’s a lot of wrapping still to be done! The things He began to teach me back in 2001 about His Word, His character, His Names, His love were/are astounding to me! In the depths of my despair God met me with the depths of His love, and I have been passionate about sharing that ever since! Psalm 42:7 says,
“Deep calls to deep at the sound of Your waterfalls; All Your breakers and Your waves have rolled over me. The LORD will command His loving-kindness in the daytime; And His song will be with me in the night, A prayer to the God of my life.…”
I've recently had a disconnect though. I know trials strengthen us. But I started to live as though as long as I am struggling in this trial, I am not qualified to share of His love. But it's often in the trial that we sense God's presence more than ever! I’ve been relearning that our struggle shows us our inability to be free from struggle, apart from the grace of God, shown in His Son on the cross. This grace can be shared anytime! It should be shared anytime and all the time! Jesus died because my sin would always be a barrier between God and me. Unless Jesus took the punishment for my sin, I would not have free access to the throne of God. God, who is far more Holy than I will ever comprehend, lets me/us draw near! Hebrews 4:14-16 says,
“Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
“This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength,”
So I have been in a private storm. I can share a little, but I want to emphasize that it’s not about comparing storms. There are big storms and little storms, storms that linger, storms that blow over. Also, to go along with the picture, there are big ships, fishing ships, motor boats, paddle boats, canoes, and kayaks! And let me tell you, I have heard wild stories about all these storms and boats! The combination of boat and storm all have an impact on the situation and therefore it’s like comparing apples to oranges if you try to assess what you or someone else is going through. Instead of comparing, we need to focus on how to be a lighthouse of truth for others and ourselves. We need to keep God's Word hidden in our hearts so we are equipped to let Him shine through us.
So here's some honesty. Nutrition shouldn't be that hard to figure out! But guess what? For me it is! I am now learning that a lot of my tummy symptoms are from a diet that is nutritionally unbalanced. While trying to fix my tummy on my own, I've made it worse. Honestly, I’ve been too afraid of counsel to ask. Honestly, at almost 48 years old, I still have a fear of the doctor's office! Honestly, I’ve been too afraid of judgment to share my need of help. Honestly, I feel like I've had harder trials in the past, and others are in the midst of incredibly difficult trials right now! How dare I share this silly situation? (Hence the long paragraph about storms and boats!) Honestly, when I am afraid, I don’t receive love well, and so I block it out in disbelief. Honestly, now I am getting the help I need!
And here is where I choose to let “humbleness" or "humiliation” meet with honesty. It is a choice. When I “project,” actually think I know what others are thinking about me, I miss out on God imparting His love to me through them. I am judging what I do not know! When I react out of "humiliation" instead of "humbleness," I miss the opportunity to receive the depths of His love. He definitely asked me to share truth in this blog at the end of 2013. I know He did. I have been reminded of this today from Isaiah chapter 30 again,
Therefore, humbly, I will continue to blog, if even for one person. I will say that today I have been reminded that God loves us through others. I am reminded that being in His Word, confession, and praise draws us close to Him and, He is present in every moment! Being aware of our need should not keep us quiet, but give us a voice! A voice that says the cross is more than enough!
My verse for the year has been John 1:5, “And the light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.” This season is about needing Him for the most basic things. And for me basic can feel "dumb!" But “dumb” is the lie! Needing God for every bit of my life is the truth!
So by God’s grace, I want to be humble and honest. This is God’s timing and way of helping me learn to feel even better! I need more tools. If I had not travelled this path, I would not be learning what my body needs in terms of better nutrition.
I want to be humble so I can grab hold of someone else who struggles with an irrational fear like me and say, God has a better plan for you! God is bigger than this! This thing that you feel is small and "dumb?" This is not small or "dumb" to our God. The small things can derail us.
This journey of mine will unfold. I am in a learning season. Learning to push through and let someone help me and also let them see the anxiety. Letting anxiety be exposed has always been something that blocks me from seeking help. For 13 years I have been learning that it doesn't matter if they see me afraid (and I still hate it!). I'm still learning that I can let go of pride, and grab onto the lifeline God is handing me. I'm learning to take life slower. I'm learning what a gift the Sabbath is to me. I'm learning that it is OK to slow down and take care of myself/yourself. That is the only way we can ever take care of someone else. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says,
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”
This season will not be wasted. If this rings true for you, let me encourage you to slow down and listen carefully for His voice. 1 Kings 19:11-12 says,
God spoke to Moses through wind and quake, to Abraham through a burning bush, and to Elijah in a whisper. Guess what that whisper was about? It was about the calling of Elisha! God whispers big things! Lord help me slow down and hear the whisper, and be obedient in the basics. Sometimes, we have to get beyond the earthquake and fire to hear the whisper. So Lord, remove "me" from this story, and let it be about you, a Holy God who wants us to bear fruit that brings you glory. Let this be any one's story, a "fill in the name" story about needing you. Lord let a passion for YOU continue to bubble up in our hearts, and let that passion risk all to point others to your loving grace.
So right now, I am just an honest friend saying I've got a lot to learn. But I sense God's grace saying, don't hide it. Be counted as one who can say in the midst of my weakness God is strong. I don't have to wait to have it all together to say that. That is freedom. I hope you will feel the same way! Speak a word of encouragement to some one, even if you don’t feel qualified. None of us are! Thank you Jesus for qualifying us! Here are some favorite songs of this season in my life:
David Crowder, Come As You Are
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjgioXrnEME
Robbie Seay Band, Shine Your Light On Us
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enKRdBbOGt0
MercyMe, Greater
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXI0B4iMLuU
Steffany Frizzell Gretzinger & Bethel Music - You Make Me Brave, We Dance
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFfw6OSbUwE
Zephaniah 3:17 (ESV)
“The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;”
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.”
The things that I thought would be big were met with abundant grace. Seeing our firstborn off to college, letting her go to Honduras a third and fourth time, and going to Honduras to embrace her calling, all met with a supernatural peace. It was not easy, but there was peace. Watching our son tear his ACL, and walking alongside him through the pain, surgery, and rehabilitation were tricky because I did not see that coming! There are unforeseen storms! That one felt a bit choppy!
But now, this place? The place I sit it today? This little storm about me? Honestly, how do I move on from here? How do I continue to share God’s love when I am in the midst of a lesson on His love right now? Do I wait until the gift of this trial is all wrapped up in pretty paper with a bow on top? I’m beginning to realize that if I am waiting for that, then all my sharing is worthless, because I will always be waiting for the "bow" until Jesus returns or takes me home.
How do you sift through all the voices you hear everyday and still hear God? How do I hear God? How do I sift through my sin, my busy schedule, my fatigue, and yet find freedom to encourage others? I’ve known the answer for a long time. It’s the cross. That is a very short answer for something that changes our eternity! How does it apply? How do I hold “who I am in Christ” and “who I am on a tough day, month, season” at the same time? Galatians 2:20-21 says that it is Christ in us that makes it possible,
“ I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 21 I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose”
The story of God healing me is the good news! It is in the first post of this blog. But the story of God healing me is a continuous story until I finally reach heaven. It’s not over! The wrapping paper might be picked out, and a piece or two of scotch tape have begun to seal the package, but there’s a lot of wrapping still to be done! The things He began to teach me back in 2001 about His Word, His character, His Names, His love were/are astounding to me! In the depths of my despair God met me with the depths of His love, and I have been passionate about sharing that ever since! Psalm 42:7 says,
“Deep calls to deep at the sound of Your waterfalls; All Your breakers and Your waves have rolled over me. The LORD will command His loving-kindness in the daytime; And His song will be with me in the night, A prayer to the God of my life.…”
I've recently had a disconnect though. I know trials strengthen us. But I started to live as though as long as I am struggling in this trial, I am not qualified to share of His love. But it's often in the trial that we sense God's presence more than ever! I’ve been relearning that our struggle shows us our inability to be free from struggle, apart from the grace of God, shown in His Son on the cross. This grace can be shared anytime! It should be shared anytime and all the time! Jesus died because my sin would always be a barrier between God and me. Unless Jesus took the punishment for my sin, I would not have free access to the throne of God. God, who is far more Holy than I will ever comprehend, lets me/us draw near! Hebrews 4:14-16 says,
“Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
“This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength,”
So I have been in a private storm. I can share a little, but I want to emphasize that it’s not about comparing storms. There are big storms and little storms, storms that linger, storms that blow over. Also, to go along with the picture, there are big ships, fishing ships, motor boats, paddle boats, canoes, and kayaks! And let me tell you, I have heard wild stories about all these storms and boats! The combination of boat and storm all have an impact on the situation and therefore it’s like comparing apples to oranges if you try to assess what you or someone else is going through. Instead of comparing, we need to focus on how to be a lighthouse of truth for others and ourselves. We need to keep God's Word hidden in our hearts so we are equipped to let Him shine through us.
So here's some honesty. Nutrition shouldn't be that hard to figure out! But guess what? For me it is! I am now learning that a lot of my tummy symptoms are from a diet that is nutritionally unbalanced. While trying to fix my tummy on my own, I've made it worse. Honestly, I’ve been too afraid of counsel to ask. Honestly, at almost 48 years old, I still have a fear of the doctor's office! Honestly, I’ve been too afraid of judgment to share my need of help. Honestly, I feel like I've had harder trials in the past, and others are in the midst of incredibly difficult trials right now! How dare I share this silly situation? (Hence the long paragraph about storms and boats!) Honestly, when I am afraid, I don’t receive love well, and so I block it out in disbelief. Honestly, now I am getting the help I need!
And here is where I choose to let “humbleness" or "humiliation” meet with honesty. It is a choice. When I “project,” actually think I know what others are thinking about me, I miss out on God imparting His love to me through them. I am judging what I do not know! When I react out of "humiliation" instead of "humbleness," I miss the opportunity to receive the depths of His love. He definitely asked me to share truth in this blog at the end of 2013. I know He did. I have been reminded of this today from Isaiah chapter 30 again,
“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears
will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”
Therefore, humbly, I will continue to blog, if even for one person. I will say that today I have been reminded that God loves us through others. I am reminded that being in His Word, confession, and praise draws us close to Him and, He is present in every moment! Being aware of our need should not keep us quiet, but give us a voice! A voice that says the cross is more than enough!
My verse for the year has been John 1:5, “And the light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.” This season is about needing Him for the most basic things. And for me basic can feel "dumb!" But “dumb” is the lie! Needing God for every bit of my life is the truth!
So by God’s grace, I want to be humble and honest. This is God’s timing and way of helping me learn to feel even better! I need more tools. If I had not travelled this path, I would not be learning what my body needs in terms of better nutrition.
I want to be humble so I can grab hold of someone else who struggles with an irrational fear like me and say, God has a better plan for you! God is bigger than this! This thing that you feel is small and "dumb?" This is not small or "dumb" to our God. The small things can derail us.
This journey of mine will unfold. I am in a learning season. Learning to push through and let someone help me and also let them see the anxiety. Letting anxiety be exposed has always been something that blocks me from seeking help. For 13 years I have been learning that it doesn't matter if they see me afraid (and I still hate it!). I'm still learning that I can let go of pride, and grab onto the lifeline God is handing me. I'm learning to take life slower. I'm learning what a gift the Sabbath is to me. I'm learning that it is OK to slow down and take care of myself/yourself. That is the only way we can ever take care of someone else. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says,
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”
This season will not be wasted. If this rings true for you, let me encourage you to slow down and listen carefully for His voice. 1 Kings 19:11-12 says,
“Then a great and powerful wind tore the
mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the
wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was
not in the earthquake. 12 After
the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was
not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.”
God spoke to Moses through wind and quake, to Abraham through a burning bush, and to Elijah in a whisper. Guess what that whisper was about? It was about the calling of Elisha! God whispers big things! Lord help me slow down and hear the whisper, and be obedient in the basics. Sometimes, we have to get beyond the earthquake and fire to hear the whisper. So Lord, remove "me" from this story, and let it be about you, a Holy God who wants us to bear fruit that brings you glory. Let this be any one's story, a "fill in the name" story about needing you. Lord let a passion for YOU continue to bubble up in our hearts, and let that passion risk all to point others to your loving grace.
So right now, I am just an honest friend saying I've got a lot to learn. But I sense God's grace saying, don't hide it. Be counted as one who can say in the midst of my weakness God is strong. I don't have to wait to have it all together to say that. That is freedom. I hope you will feel the same way! Speak a word of encouragement to some one, even if you don’t feel qualified. None of us are! Thank you Jesus for qualifying us! Here are some favorite songs of this season in my life:
David Crowder, Come As You Are
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjgioXrnEME
Robbie Seay Band, Shine Your Light On Us
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enKRdBbOGt0
MercyMe, Greater
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXI0B4iMLuU
Steffany Frizzell Gretzinger & Bethel Music - You Make Me Brave, We Dance
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFfw6OSbUwE
Zephaniah 3:17 (ESV)
“The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;”
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.”
Hillsong, Oceans
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