Are we starting over? No! (Part III) #beingtransformed
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The other day I wrote from my mama heart. The thought of a 3rd knee surgery for our boy momentarily made me feel like we were starting over. I temporarily "projected" the former surgeries into the current situation. But I did not take into consideration that we have all changed over these past surgeries, and that the even the injury is different this time. Transformation. This is just one small story out of many in the our family, where God has allowed us to see His hand in the before, during, and after of hardship. How could I forget the miracles?! Even for a few days, I forgot. But not for long, and now I wish I could write to you about every single one them because they are all so amazing! That is what I aim to do in these little tid bits of stories I write about. It's pretty easy to see the miraculous in your life, when you see it's all miraculous...
grace.is.miraculous.
Honestly, the recent moments of fear and panic crashed in pretty hard for me. I had a throat closing heart racing, truly visceral panic attack that precipitated me going to ask for help from our pastor. I've only done that one other time. It's taken me a long time to trust in that process...transformation. Just voicing, praying and humbling myself before God were powerful.
We met with his surgeon this past week. It seems this will be a gentler, quicker healing for our guy. But I didn't get my peace from that news. I got it the moment before the surgeon walked in. It was when our son said, "I want to get well for life, not just for a few months...I'm in this to get healthy for the long term." That was what I had been praying for. Isn't that what we all want? For our kids to be able to see God in the big picture of life. I wish I could say that I had faith the size of a mustard seed that propelled me into total optimism about every aspect of this journey. But for several days, I let the difficult memories of the former impact my preparation for the future.
But here is the truth. God is constantly growing us into His likeness. Often we feel the pain of being stretched through hardship. I've shared countless times how we as a family collect "stones of remembrance" each time see God move. But this time, as I looked back, all I could see for a few days were the the uncovered muddy stones, not the washed and cleaned up Ebenezer stones. Instead I saw the severe pain of recovery from ACL surgeries and the 6 months of painful daily rehab for a 16 year old, then again for a 17 year old, it's been literally 24 months of hard work for him on the side lines of life. I panicked at the thought of 18 year old guy having to grasp another go around. I forgot the good...for a moment. The good of praying friends, loving doctors, friends who light candles in your car port the morning of surgery, friends bearing gifts of meals, candy, PS4 games and time playing those games. Family traveling from Texas just to be the backbone during another December surgery. Phone calls, texts, free game ready ice machine..., the family of God being family to him, and to us. Love pouring in. Transformation.
Today as I look back, I see how God was there all along. He was there for all of us in the "valley." And there was true valley after that first ACL. But He met us in the most powerful way in Honduras that summer after ACL #1. As parents we were learning to trust God for His presence in our son's life. He had the opportunity to help a disabled boy walk at an orphanage. God ministered to the disabled boy and our boy at the same time, and he shared it one night in debriefing. God let him give that boy some of himself, the ability to walk, that ability was slowly returning to Josh, not to the boy. But it meant so much to give just a taste of that from one guy to another. Transformation.
ACL #2 had the same initial impact on our hearts. But we saw transformation in the friendships God was giving our son. Year two had a different look because God was using friends to come along side and carry the load with him, and a youth pastor who came alongside, and still invests deeply and relationally with him. A group of guys from the basketball team soon had a bible study going on before school. These 17 year old guys were getting up extra early to meet and talk about God together. By the end, one of the guys gave them all wrist bands that spoke the reminder to them, "I am #2." Transformation.
And it's not just "knees" around here that keep me on my knees! It's far way dangerous places. How can I have peace each time God sends our girl to that far away country, to that big dangerous city? How does that girl desire to go, when it seems just a couple years ago I would lie on the floor next to her bed so she could fall to sleep. Now three full summers and five total trips later, she is seeing lives be transformed in that country. Transformation.
God has used so many uncomfortable "opportunities" for this much afraid mama to "let go." Transformation. Romans 8 is packed! I'm mean totally packed with incredible truth! I love Romans 8! Romans 8:15-17 says,
"For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him."
I love that! We have beed adopted, we don't fall back out of adoption! We fall forward into the family of God. And He loves for us to cry out to Him as our Daddy. It's ok when our faith trembles, when God shakes things loose. Hebrews 12:27-29 says,
“Yet once more,” indicates the removal of things that are shaken—that is, things that have been made—in order that the things that cannot be shaken may remain. 28 Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, 29 for our God is a consuming fire."
If God is shaking off my fear, He is doing it so that only the important things remain. I've testified to Him doing that in my life, and so it should be exciting to see Him do that in other's lives. But if you battle fear, than you might battle control as well. Because, we feel if we can control the situations, we can prevent anything bad from happening. Our kids are a part of our heart walking around outside of us. As we are transformed, they are transformed, and as they are transformed, we are transformed. Let's let it be God that creates transformation, not our fears.
What a relief that it is not up to us. That we can let go and KNOW that God is the one that doesn't want anything bad happening to His children. That doesn't mean bad and difficult things won't happen, it just means that they work out for our good when we are His. Romans 8:28, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good..." That is why He teaches us patient lessons over and over. Transformation.
What a relief that it is not up to us. That we can let go and KNOW that God is the one that doesn't want anything bad happening to His children. That doesn't mean bad and difficult things won't happen, it just means that they work out for our good when we are His. Romans 8:28, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good..." That is why He teaches us patient lessons over and over. Transformation.
Am I nervous about what the week holds? Yes. But I am also comforted by the gentle way the Holy Spirit took care of my soul in letting me see that He is taking care of the souls of those I love, and of the world at large. Let us zoom out and see the many souls God loves. Let us see that He is doing a work, He is transforming lives. Lord, help us join you in that work. Help us to gently love. We may just be that person that a mama is praying will minister to her family with love and truth. That is why I love 2 Corinthians 3:18 so much! Since the first time I ever read that verse I loved the gentleness of God's character. It says He is changing us into His image by "one degree of glory to another" by His Spirit.
transformation.comes.one.degree.at.a.time.
that.is.grace.
Lauren Daigle, Trust in You
Lauren Daige, You Have My Surrender
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