#stillbeingtransformed #Jesuschangeseverything #knowingHimandmakingHimknown


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Blogging has somehow killed my writing vibe.  I am asking God if it's time to stop.  I know He asked me to openly and honestly share my story of anxiety, depression, and living with Jesus daily to overcome living in fear.  To share His story in my life.  

God delivered me from major anxiety and depression through meditation on His Word, through prayer partners, through doctors...it's all in my first post titled, The God Who Heals!

 Everything else is daily examples of how God continues to work it out in my life.  This process is not a one time deal.  Oh yes, the mountain has been moved, but if I don't linger in His Word, pray slowly, and love fearlessly, I fight the same battles.  The battles are just smaller, shorter.  

They are more like scars from wounds.  A scar may break open and hurt a lot before it is totally healed over, but it hurts like crazy when it breaks open.  When we compare it to the initial injury, there is no comparison to the pain, and the time it takes to rehabilitate.  Everything bad is lesser and shorter.  

 Scars can be a good reminder of what God has done, they let us minister to others who have walked in our same shoes.  It's true that the people God allows you to comfort the most, are the ones who have, or are walking in your shoes.  2 Corinthians 1:4,

"who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."

On the topic of anxiety and depression, there is a movement.  There is much talk about mindfulness these days.  God told us about it long ago in Joshua 1:5-9,
"so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. 6 Be strong and courageous, for you shall cause this people to inherit the land that I swore to their fathers to give them... Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good success wherever you go. 8 This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it... Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

So for me there are many stories of fear.  I still fight fear.  But I fight!  By the grace of God, I fight!  In the recent months God has renewed my desire to spend time in praise to Him.  I know that in the old testament there were many battles won by praise, not weapons!  Psalm 149:5-6,
"Let the godly ones exult in glory; Let them sing for joy on their beds. 6Let the high praises of God be in their mouth, And a two-edged sword in their hand,"

And there are many more passages like that one, just google it one day for a fun time in God's word.  But the fear.  I also know that in addition to praise, I must trust.  The way I trust is in taking God at His Word.  Hebrews 4:12 says,

"For the Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart."

If I don't believe His Word is true, and His Word is powerful, I have no weapons.  Because 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says,

"For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.5 We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,"

These are my "go to" passages.  I will praise, I will believe in the power of His Word and pray His Word, and I will take my thoughts captive.  All by the grace of God.  That means I must not fear, but trust.  1 John 4:18,
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear,"

Fear looks different for everyone.  For this one writer, fear used to be of everything.  From the time I can remember I have feared the end of the world, losing friends, change, social settings, public speaking.  Fear fed my belief of my own ugliness, and ultimately lead to self hatred...as I grew older those fears morphed into adult sized FEARS OF THE SAME THINGS!  With the stronghold of fear, 

EVERY. TRIAL. IS. SUPERSIZED.

So, yes, God has demolished the stronghold of fear through His Word.  Oh yeah!! Another favorite verse!  Jeremiah 23:29,

"Is not my word like fire, declares the LORD, and like a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces?"

But sometimes the battle scars get roughed up and it hurts again.  Those are the times I actually draw nearer to God.  I become aware of the wounds He has healed ("by His stripes we are healed."  Isaiah 53:5), and as I pour out my soul to Him in adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication ( A C T S)  He draws near to me.  James 4:8 says,
"Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you."

These are the times that you know, that you know, He is God.  Today I read Psalm 130:5 in my devotions, 

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His Word I hope."

If I keep writing this morning, I'll keep thinking of verses!  But yesterday, as I was being MINDFUL about praise, I turned the page in a book I am reading about the names of God.  It was all about God being light.  His name, OR OLAM  means Everlasting Light!  I have found so much comfort in the past couple years from John 1:5,

"The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it."

Well, the chapter on "THE LIGHT" was full of powerful verses worshipping God as light.  Isaiah 60:19, 1 John 1:5, Psalm 104:1-2, Habakkuk 3:3-4, 1 Timothy 6:16, Revelation 21:23, Isaiah 24:23, Isaiah 9:2, Psalm 89:15.  I took the time to write them out.  It helps our souls digest truth when we use multiple senses, writing, listening, speaking, reading.

 If you are fighting for deliverance from fear, I stand in the gap and say I am in the trenches with you, because I "get it."  That is why I have shared either in person, or an email, or this blog.  You are not alone.  I still have wounds that break open.  In the healing of that scar tissue, there is healing in my soul.  Layer by layer we are being transformed. 

I used to be so paralyzed by change that I could not cope with the season of fall.  As a kid, it meant school starting, as I grew older it meant moving away, and always it has meant less day light.  This may sound trite, but I used to have a visceral response in my stomach to the crunch of leaves under my shoes, even a few years ago.  But it doesn't bother me anymore!  Transformation! Freedom!  But I do have to work against the literal darkness, the shortening of day light.  I know how to do this now...but that's a different story!



Just to keep it real, not too long ago I spiraled so hard and fast into anxiety that I would say it was beyond a #10 on the pain scale!  I was trembling, short of breath, racing heart... In an instant I was fearing the worst outcome of Josh facing a 3rd knee surgery a third year in a row.  It was pretty certain to be an injury.  I won't go into all the reasons, I know now that my thoughts were normal thoughts of a parent, but my panic was off the chart.  A day in the life of me.  There it is.  I often ask God to redeem the moments that I have blown it as a mom working through seasons over the years.  I believe God will and has.  Honesty is the only way to go with others and with your family.  Because 

We. All. Need. Jesus.
Model. That.

The other danger in the trigger is comparing to others.  I have dear friends fighting cancer, jobs, loss, etc.  If I compare my despair to their trial, I quickly fall into condemnation.  Yes, it is far bigger.  But I am to pray for God to work through every trial, my trial, and their trial.  He does and He will.  Comparing stops sharing.  2 Corinthians 10:12 warns,


"We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise."

God met me there in that panic attack.  And we've seen God meet Josh all along the way.  I desperately wanted God to meet Josh and comfort him, but in my own strength, I didn't trust. But I soon did.  That is transformation.  So I will end with this verse about transformation.  2 Corinthians 3:18 says,

"And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit."  
#transformation

Let your transformation mean something.  Many of you are facing mountains right now.  And I am praying for you daily.  Ask God to use your ashes for beauty.  Let Him transform your heart, but don't wait for perfection in order to share... We will grow and mature, but we will never be perfect until Heaven.  

The picture at the beginning of this blog is important.  I was happy in that picture moment.  I did have a happy childhood.  But I also felt ugly and never wanted anyone to see my ugliness.  I lived with that cloak, that lie for 

Way. Too. Long.
That. Is. Why. I. Share.
Let. His. Light. Shine.
Jesus. Died. And. Rose. So. We. Can. Live.

I will leave you with 4 songs.  The first is Immeasurably More by Rend Collective.  It is a song of praise and declaration of Who. God. Is.


The second one you may or may not want to watch/listen.  It is more about the hard stories.  In fact the first time I watched/listened, one of my scars was scraped.  But it was a good scrape.  Just like Josh recently had surgery to remove scar tissue that was hindering his knee movement, God gets in there and removes scar tissue that hinders our moving forward.  The song is about the redemption of all the pain.  It is called Through All Of It by Colton Dixon.  It is very "wound pricking" so you have been warned.  If you choose to watch, lay it all down again at the feet of Jesus, let God heal another layer, redeem another moment of your life.


The third is Crowns and Thorns by KB, because it merges a lot of Jesus and me into one song/rap.


And the fourth might make you laugh!  It's about good old gospel church clappin'!  I love it because sometimes I am that old church mom clappin'!  It also makes me run faster!  It's joyful!!  Enjoy Church Clap by KB




#Jesuschangeseverything  #knowingHimandmakingHimknown

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