Beauty from Ashes - A Continual Process

Sometimes we really can't see the forest for the trees.  Still devastated one year later.  If you are devastated, there is not a time table, no judgement.  I hesitate to write much these days.  It is a time to be quiet.  But I am writing for those who think they should be further along in grieving their loss.  May you be encouraged. My brother took his life just over a year ago.  I am just barely beginning to process the loss of this precious man and all he meant to me and to so many.  It has taken me a year just to face the tragedy of the loss.  So many stages in grieving.  This is not a self-indulgent post, but one of benefiting from other people sharing. I want to urge you (us) to press on.  Keep seeking God.  That's where I am,  because I have hope and truth.  John 17:17 says,  "Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth."  I believe this to be true, and so I will stick closely t...

It has been a quiet year of blogging.  If I write at all, it has always been for the hurting.  I am not expert, just a sojourner sharing what God lays on my heart.  This is my sweet sis and my brother.  We will carry on and share God's light.  That is what Joel would've wanted, that's what God wants. I keep having this thought that seems like its a nudge from God to write.  And I keep telling God I have nothing to write.  As you know its been a hard year, and 2017 does not mark the end of the year for me.  March 17 will be one year since my brother took his life. The new year verse that popped up on my Bible app was Isaiah 43:19, "For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." The moment I read this verse I sent it to my immediate family, hoping to show that mom is not in the dry wasteland, and God is doing a ne...

Illumination and light are words that I am attracted to in the Bible...John 1:5 "The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it." But to those who are grieving, you are not alone, and I do not offer simple answers.  There are none.  I am just walking with you.  Lets press on. In my study group this week we have been encouraged to choose a verse from the Sermon on the Mount to meditate on and memorize. I chose Matthew 6:22-23.  "The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, 23 but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!" The context of this verse is more about "seeing" things (STUFF) you desire in order to make you happy.  But I immediately interpreted it as "seeing" THOUGHTS, WORDS.  Thinking about Jesus and His Word to illuminate my mind, and to replace dark thoughts.  I ...

To my precious family, it is OK not to read this.  I love you.  And it's OK to not be OK. It's been a 6 month season to be quiet.   I will continue to be quiet.   But I will take  a moment  to share that God is indescribably close to the broken hearted.  Many of you are walking through  an intense season of suffering right now.  You are not alone. Psalm 34:18 says, "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." That is what I know today.  That is a  truth  that I have been clinging to, but that is not always what it feels like.  I'm sharing today because we all have faced suffering, or are in the throws of suffering now, and sometimes we need to know that someone understands what it feels like, when the unimaginable happens. I hesitate to write because I'm still grieving, learning, and  respecting the grief of my loved ones  in the tragic loss of my brother in Marc...

You know, when you go through stuff yourself it stinks, until later when you look back and you see God was holding you all the time. You begin to see how he was weaving a story in your life that would eventually be an encouragement to others. You end up loving those opportunities like no other, because what could be more joyful then bringing hope to someone especially when you know what that kind of despair feels like. It's a completely different thing when it's your kids. You know the truth, you know that God loves them more than you ever could, and you know that walking these ropes is strengthening them for an amazing call on their lives.   Well, I have no excuse. But I'll be honest, it can make me feel angry. I never felt angry with my own struggles, ever!  But the "mama bear" thing comes out in you when it's your babies, even if they are grown.  And as much as I know God is holding them, in my flesh I absolutely hate it, and it absolutely make...

Anxiety/Depression Disorder, yes, I have it, and I have something to say. Even with this diagnosis, I always seek to share HOPE & LIGHT, because God can redeem every story. I shared my story 2 years ago, and am compelled to share it again for anyone who is battling and looking for hope. I sometimes revisit my notes on healing because it is a continual process. A couple years ago I was asked to share my story of God meeting me in my darkest hour, at a ladies retreat. After that I felt it was time to share it in written form. When shared the first blog post, I was in a really good place.  But since then I had a season where I slipped back into fighting my own way. At one point my anxiety meds were at the upper limit and I was taking more and running out. I needed counsel and accountability. My way alone had short term relief and long term misery.  I still try to fight my own way, I'll not be done learning and growing until Heaven. I've had it all. I realize...

Steps.  3 Steps.  It's not that easy, but it's a start!  I have met so many people battling anxiety because I have be straight up about my struggles with anxiety.  Instead of a long post, I really feel lead to share these 3 little steps that add up to HOPE. I could write forever on stories of my anxiety.  You don't need that.  If you struggle, you do need to know that I get it.  Sometimes there are negative reasons that trigger my anxiety, sometimes there are positive triggers!  What?!  How can I be nauseous now!?  It happens!  And sometimes, there is no reason at all!  I get so mad when nausea and fatigue from anxiety barge into my moments!  That is why I want to share with you some things I've learned. But I have a starting point for you if you don't know where to begin.  3 points to be exact.  So here are some encouraging tools.   Each one could be a book of it's own, but those of us that struggle...