Rejection! Ugh!

Triggers of past rejection, poor self-image, self-hatred can pound heavily on the door of my heart, if I don’t guard it with prayer and Scripture.  I’m going to focus on “rejection” right now because that was a big area of my heart that needed God’s healing. I recently put a status on facebook about being “complete in Christ,” not in a “completed list of tasks!”  I think this “rejection thing” falls into the "completion" category for me.  The reason is, I start to believe that when I am finally accepted by everyone in appearance, accomplishments, abilities, … then I will be "complete" enough to be ok with me and with God!  You can see how the chase after these things, can distract heavily from the chase after God’s heart and His plans.  For me, I will never be complete in my own efforts, never satisfied!

I share this openly because I pray that the "rejection" you feel will fade as the "lie" that it is for you!  The slightest wisp of rejection used to paralyze me.  It’s a signal that I need to be with Jesus more.  I guess that is the battle the enemy thinks he can win.  He prides himself in finding the weakest link.  Be on guard!  Simple example, in the past, when either child of mine did not wish to engage in conversation, I could feel utterly desperate and lost.  Sometimes I can be so blinded by all that painful stuff of the past, that I miss the truth of the moment and misinterpret the present! 

As I feel “rejected” by someone, I start to imagine what they think, how I must irritate them, how I must slink away, how I will never recover my dignity in the relationship because I have tried so hard to get it back.  (Yes, I wrote a run on sentence, because it truly runs on in my head!!!)

Then, I can so easily put up a wall and reject them!  It feels safe to hide behind that wall.  The truth is that usually the "rejecter," whoever it may be at any given time, is clue-less to any of it!!  The more I pull back the more likely it is that they will see me pull away.  That sometimes makes them "move on" and truly reject me (or so I imagine!)  It just feels like the eternal spin cycle of misery and panic!! 

The only way out is to humble myself and explain, which then usually makes me feel shame.  And because I am tempted to compulsively apologize, I end up feeling like  I'm adding to "their" thoughts of rejecting me!  This painful cycle comes and goes in my life.  Seems like when I am in the fight for my thoughts, I can lose all confidence unless I get my eyes back on Jesus.

I remember a specific event, I looked around at the group and saw how beautiful and happy everyone was...and I felt shame at how ugly I was and how I don't ever know what to wear!!!  There, that's a good 5th grader heart speaking!!!  And yes, I am smarter than a 5th grader!!! Ugh!!!!  I had my eye off the mark of HIM.  Instead of looking for someone who may be lonely, I wanted to slink away.  It visits less frequently and for shorter amounts of time - Praise God for HIS mercy!!!  Here are some ways it has played out for me in the past and then how God has met me with Scripture and love.

These are age old lies, spiritual warfare, that will not go completely away until I am safely tucked away in the eternal Kingdom of heaven!  But when I slow down to eat of HIM (“Taste and see that the Lord is good” – Psalm 34), gaze at HIM, seek after HIM (“Seek first the Kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you” – Matthew 6:33), search for HIM( “When you seek for me you will find me, when you seek for me with all your heart,” – Jeremiah 29:13) HE delights in nourishing me with truth.  Truth is, apart from Christ, I am nothing.  But in Christ, rejection doesn’t matter.  Because Isaiah  43:1 says,

“And He who formed you, O Israel, "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! “

As truth washes over me, I see all as I should see.  Emmanuel, one of God’s names that actually means God with us (with me)!  His love for me, and how He wants to let that "perfect love" flow to me, in me, through me to others: 

1 John 4:18 "...perfect love drives out fear..." 

This frees us to love without expectation.  This lets us love without fear of “rejection (real or perceived!)”  Matthew 5:46 says,

“For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have?”  Take it a big step further and Romans 5:7-9 says,

“For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. 8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.9Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him.…”

I think that because rejection is a trigger  for me, new seasons of life give it (rejection) new faces.  That's why it sneaks in with a "new look."  But I am on to "rejection!"  It is one of the masks of the enemy.  Revelation 12:10-12 says the "accuser" has already been thrown down!  We have the victory both now and forever!  I love it that we overcome HIM through the blood of JESUS, and that in testifying, we don't shrink from death, but we have life!

“Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ.  For the accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before our God day and night,

has been hurled down. They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony;”

Finally, truth is 1 John 3:1 “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!”