The God Who Heals Shame, I have some gracious words...

“Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”  Proverbs 16:24

I’m hitting this blog pretty hard right off the bat.  I know that I didn’t want to do it and that God clearly said, it’s time.  I also know that soon my time to write will be limited. 

So today, I want to get the word out about my experience with shame.  I’m going to share one of my  journal posts from back in 2007.  I’m not going to edit it, I think it speaks from a deep place and God has asked me to stir up the deep places so others can be set free!

Psalm 42:7-8 continue to drive it home to me, that God works most in the deep places,

“Deep calls to deep at the sound of Your waterfalls; All Your breakers and Your waves have rolled over me. 8The LORD will command His loving-kindness in the daytime; And His song will be with me in the night, A prayer to the God of my life.…”

One last note before I paste the 2007 journal entry.  God has delivered me from shame!  I am confident that through His Word we will continue to know that,

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”  John 1:5

I am always going to be completely open when God directs.  So here it is:

March 27, 2007

Shame

2 Cor. 2:4  “But his treasure, this light and power that now shine with in us – is held in perishable containers – that is in our weak bodies – so everyone can see that our glorious power is from God and is not our own.”

We know about our weaknesses, but, do we really know how the enemy latches on to them? It has hit me again.  The one of the enemy’s favorite weapons is SHAME.  I had an experience about 4 or 5 years ago when I was confronted with this.  A friend and prayer partner said she felt it was something I needed to pray through and gave me Is. 54:4-5.  After reading it I had a true vision of many moments in my life when I felt shame, like a black spider web and it became white as each memory flashed by.  As I felt each memory, the shame of it evaporated! I could see myself as God the Father sees me...white as snow.

Shame is what makes us feel so emotionally bombarded when we can’t do something we think we should be able to do, or when someone tells us something that makes us feel dumb or even corrected.  For me, the feeling of shame would bring on uncontrollable tears, and I would have to hide it.  Even a lady at the park telling me to get my kids off the flowers…

We all battle shame for different reasons.  I think part of my fleshly nature was insecurity - I just naturally felt that way – it was a part of the flesh that tried to control me.  When insecurity met up with rejection, it began to kill me.  Watching the enemy crush my childhood family bit by bit wounded all of us.  The ministry can be brutal.  But if we lay it at the cross, God redeems all the pain.  To this day I am committed to praying for leaders in ministry to be protected.  Kind of like people who take up a cause for an illness that they have survived.  And I must always say glory to God for the healing of my family.  

But it makes sense now…it’s why I fear talking to anyone “better” than me (“better” is the “lie”) bosses, my doctors, teachers, anyone who I perceive to be over or above me in life… pastors…. on and on.  The feeling of shame can be over behaviors, but the most unkind form of shame is when it feels like a cloak, and you just see yourself as shameful...self-hatred...at it's ugliest it locks us into boxes of untruth...just the existence of ourselves.  This is all a lie!  Believe me, I have felt all of it!  That is why I have to be a voice!  The truth is without Jesus, we are unworthy, but He died to pay that penalty for us, and we are not resting in the cross when we are hating ourselves.

You may or may not know what the root is for you… We’ve all struggled with body image stuff, rejection, condemnation…  These are all lies from the enemy that come out of a root behavior or root sin that has entangled our hearts through experiences.  When I learned that insecurity was the backwards form of pride, I couldn’t believe it.  But the enemy gets a hold of the lies and ties them to our souls.  Your sense of worth – he tries to demolish it!

I fell into “shameful” coping skills, not eating at all, binging and purging, self-medicating anxiety…the “shameful events” can turn into “shameful” reactions of isolation and fear, and a new cycle of shame is born.  These behaviors start out as a way to feel safe and control your surroundings, but soon they control you.  But, I now know that we can be over-comers! That I am not tied to shame, even when it tries to sneak back in, I will not “camp” there!

I must add here, often when we are stuck in unhealthy coping methods, we don't know it's wrong, we can't see beyond our desperation.  Onlookers, we must be merciful with each other.  Encouraging each other with the truth, not judging each other.  This only leads to more shame and derails healing.  For me, there was a long spectrum of time when I was in the healing process and yet did not have control over issues.  But there did come a time when I became truly aware that God delivered me.  At that point Psalm 19:13 became my prayer, and I knew that by God's grace I had a choice to make.  I still pray this prayer, about everything, even believing the lies...

"Keep your servant also from willful sins;    may they not rule over me." 

It is sad thinking about all the shame, but the beauty of it is that the knowledge of it, breaks the power.  Rev. 12:10-11 “…For the accuser has been thrown down to earth – the one who accused our brothers and sisters before our God day and night.  And they have defeated him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of their testimony.  And they were not afraid to die.”

We can pray,

Matt 16 :19  “Lord bind my mind to the mind of Christ and loose the stronghold of shame from my un-surrendered soul – for what is bound in heaven is bound on earth and what is loosed in heaven is loosed on earth.”

Also,  we can pray,  Lord I repent for lingering on past shame and I renounce shame in the name of Jesus.  I RECEIVE  your forgiveness.  I claim the places where shame dwelt in my heart will now be filled with the righteousness of Jesus.  I put on Your robes of righteousness! Isaiah 61:10

I’ve done a lot of reading about this and praying this through for myself.  We  are often such positive, bubbly, and outwardly confident people, that no one else would think we could struggle with some form of shame.  But I think the Lord has shown this to me. When we can just completely die to self and all the expectations of self we can be “FREE-ER” than all those who we are intimidated by or driven to please!!!  Our joy is in Jesus, His worth, His beauty, His love of music, his love for color and  His love for all the differences in His children.  His joy in watching us learn new things.  God delights in seeing us break free and run to Him!  

Also, when we have confessed our sin, we are free from shame and the bondage's of it!!!  Psalm 51.  David comes to terms with who we are as human beings (from conception we had a sin nature ) and the great love of the Father for us!  I’ve dealt with this and felt the deliverance from it. Although it sneaks in every now and then.    I know God loves me/us!!!  We are not any less or more of a person because of anything we do!  God leveled the “playing field” when He sent Jesus to cover our sin.  At the cross we receive grace and then we, the over-comer,  can be a vessel of hope!  Share truth and live it, it will set others free!  Truly!!!!!!

Is. 49: 23 “Those who wait for me will never be put to shame.”

Is. 54:4-5 says “Fear not (name); you will no longer live in shame.  The shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood will be remembered no more, for your Creator will be your husband.  The Lord Almighty is His name!  He is (your) Redeemer, the Holy one of Israel, the God of all the earth!”

Is. 44:22 “I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you."

Ephesians 1 says we are loved, blessed, adopted, chosen, redeemed, forgiven, accepted BY GOD!!! 

What a picture!  Glory to God!  Let us go in peace and freedom. (end of 2007 post)

So, LET'S MOVE ON TOGETHER IN LOVE!

This song, says what my heart experiences!  Boldy I Approach by Rend Collective
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QDnVD7gu5Y

And this song, Deep Cries Out by Bethel compels me to share!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkJH3zGM-cs